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“I never was comfortable with my body. I often would restrict eating because I didn’t want to gain weight, my body image was so distorted! The enemy had me completely blinded.”
Mountain Momma
Loving Jesus always came easy…
Life just never felt complete, it always felt as if something was missing.
When I was 9 years old, I felt the calling of the Holy Spirit for the first time. At that time though, honestly it could have been fear that drove me to the alter. That seemed to be the way to go back then. That was the mid 90s, so I would say it was more fear driven- but nevertheless I heard what Jesus did for me and I responded. I never stopped loving Jesus.
As time went on- I believed in God, but I never fully understood because I was still blinded. Looking back now I know God put me on the path he did for a reason. Hindsight is always 20/20, but I reckon if God revealed the whole picture at the time, we wouldn’t learn what is needed to bring glory and honor to him.
Following him was a different story
When the rubber met the road, I was never fully ready to commit wholeheartedly to Jesus. I would pray when times got tough, but never just to have communion with my Creator. When Covid came about, our lives drastically changed. My Pappy went to Heaven, and I got mad at God. Over time I really turned my back on God, but shockingly enough he never forgot about me.
ME, ME, ME
As I turned my back on God- I began to make other things my idol. But the further away I got from God- the lonelier I felt. Eventually I started buying crystals and I was so eager to learn! I bought a book; I was jumping in headfirst. I just didn’t realize at that time what kind of door I was opening. The ironic thing was, I would Google “it is ok for Christians to use crystals?” and I would vow I wasn’t going to mess with anything dark. I was trusting crystals for “protection”, “healing” and so many other things- when I should have been trusting God.
I ran a pretty successful, for a short time, nail dip company and I made that my god. I poured my everything into this company for right at a year. It really took its toll on me mentally, physically and spiritually. The market began to become even more saturated with new companies and sales declined rapidly. Being that I had made this my God, when it stopped- I was even more lost. Life was really chaotic and crazy.
One day I woke up crying and I didn’t stop for almost 5 months. I didn’t feel like doing anything. I was so very sad. I did my thing I would always do when life got hard, I began to cry out to God. I would go into that dark bedroom of the mornings and fall flat on my face. I was MISERABLE- beyond miserable. I really just didn’t want to go on, I had no clue how I was going to keep going.
Something Had to Change
I was having a full-on nervous breakdown and there was nothing I could do to stop. I saw doctors, they ran tests, I started taking antidepressants one right after the other. They couldn’t find one thing wrong with me. NOTHING helped. I mean NOTHING. It seemed as though I was only getting worse.
One thing stayed the same- I kept crying out to God, day in and day out. ALL day, every day. I taped this verse on my mirror: “And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” (Ezekiel 36:26) My heart was so hard from many different things, and I was able to see that so clearly, but I couldn’t make it soften that easy.
BABY STEPS…BABY STEPS…
See- when I was growing up and all through life- I expected that when you asked Jesus into your heart you immediately changed! WOW! That was a harsh lie that I had accepted as truth. Yes- there are immediate changes that come about, but once salvation is secured sanctification must begin. Sanctification simply means: “the action of making or declaring something holy”. In order for this to happen, you have to turn from blatant sin.
I had always thought I had to clean up to be a “good Christian”, but all along God was just desiring for me to come to him with all of my baggage and lay it at the feet of Jesus. I had been so focused on “me”, I missed the whole point. It was never about me…
It was all about Jesus
We started watching our church online for about 6 weeks, then we went to church after the livestream had failed the week before. We didn’t know what to expect, but we were ready to be there. Shockingly enough we weren’t scared, we just knew we needed God. When we arrived, Jesus was already there. Everyone was so kind and welcoming. How we chose that church will be a different story for a different day!
I was still pretty sad, but God slowly revealed unforgiveness I was holding onto. This was all part of him softening my heart. Once I released that- God really began to work. I found Liberty University Online in May of 2022 only desiring to major in Social Media Management. While taking required Bible classes, I began to realize the “truths” I had learned as a child were the furthest thing from the truth. As those things started to unravel, I realized just what had been missing all along- a genuine relationship with the Lord.
As I have went on this journey at Liberty University, I have grown so much closer to the Lord. I genuinely understand what it means to “pick up your cross” and follow Jesus every single day. My desire is to share with others so they may be delivered as well. There is more to life than living as a slave to sin of the world. Life living for Jesus is far from restrictive, I have more fun now than I ever did living for the world.
My Whole Outlook Changed
I never was comfortable with my body. I often would restrict eating because I didn’t want to gain weight, my body image was so distorted! The enemy had me completely blinded. I love my body now, I eat and I don’t feel bad about it. I feel more FREE than I ever have in my life. When I look in the mirror I no longer cringe, I am thankful that God made me just the way I am.
I read my Bible every single day and pray like my life depends on it, because it does!
My life isn’t restrictive, I am just being sanctified.
